SuPeRnOvA and SwEeTpAiN: Joke Time | SuPeRnOvA and SwEeTpAiN
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Joke Time

Blonde Pinay

A blond Pinay, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. 'Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?'
The blond Pinay said, 'How about pipty dollars?' The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, 'Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?' The man replied, 'She should. She was standing on the porch.'
A short time later, the blond Pinay came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' he asked. 'O-o,' the blonde Pinay
answered, 'and I had paint lept ober, so I gabe it two coats.'
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
'And by the way,' the blond added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Perrari'


1-10

Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
Anak: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, 'tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.'


Ano ang pagkain?

Mister: Ano ang pagkain natin?
Misis: Nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
Mister: Isang pirasong tuyo? ano pagpipilian ko?
Misis: Pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!


Overseas call

IDD call from US:
Husband: Hon, musta ang tindahan?
Wife: Department store na!
Husband: Ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: Ang mga tri-sikad?
Wife: Taxi na!
Husband: Ang dalawa kong an ak?
Wife: Lima na!


Horoscope

Sweethearts watchin' the sky...
Guy: Ano ang horoscope mo?
Girl: Anong huruskup?
Guy: Yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
Girl: Ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!


Almusal(at dito)

Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu!
Maid: Walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal!


Nirape...

Maid: Ma'm, ni-rape ako ng magnanakaw kagabi...
Madam: Bakit di ka sumigaw?
Maid: Eh, akala ko po kasi si Sir, pero nung makadalawa, nagduda na ako!


Mayaman - Mahirap

Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain. Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!


Pangarap

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! Yan din ang pangarap niya!


Dalawang mayabang...

Usapan ng dalawang mayabang....
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.


Nitrates

A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, 'What are Nitrates?
The student replied shyly, 'Ma'am, sa motel po. Nitrates are higher than day rates!'


Siling labuyo (at dito… hahahah )

Ate: Musta date mo sis? Epektib ba payo ko, siling labuyo sa nipples mo para di ka galawin ng bf mo?
Sis: Hay naku Ate, palpak! Ginanahan pa lalo, eh, bicolano pala!


Madre't sakristan -(lalo na dito)

Madre: Ano ang apelyido mo, iho?
Sakristan: Alam nyo na ho yun sister, lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan.
Madre: Susmaryosep! Bayag ba ang apelyido mo?!
Sakristan: Sister naman, Rosario po.


Katapusan na! – (at dito rin)

Lumindol ng malakas noon...
Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag panic!
Sumigaw ang isang lalaki...'Katapusan na! Katapusan na!'
Sumagot ang isa pang lalaki....
'Tanga! A-kinse pa alang!'


Utot

Pupil: Mam, bumubukol po ba ang utot?
Teacher: No! Definitely not! Kasi hangin lang yun! Remember, hindi bumubukol ang utot ...
Pupil: Naku patay! Tae na to!


Sa airplane

Sa isang mumurahing airline...
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po.


Walang syota

Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!


Sa isang ospital

Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer): Doc, anong gagawin niyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo!


Top One

Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Ba't mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!


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11 comments:

  1. thanks for sharing novs, you made my day, especially the blonde pinay who painted the perrari, hahaha.

    have been too busy lately, i could not manage to post any in my blog, haha, i'll try today if i could :(

    hope all is well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha! daghan jud kaayo ni sa email ba. lingaw!

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahahhaha nalingaw jud ko ug basa nov..natingala akong bana why nagsigi lang ko ug katawa hehehhe

    thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  4. i really had fun reading all of it, Novs. to the point nga na-abtan ko ug brown out. when the power came back on, i'm back here again laughing.
    take care!

    ReplyDelete
  5. you had me and my niece laughing about before the computer. thank you for the laughs here. btw, i have a tag for u sis.

    ReplyDelete
  6. betchai said...
    thanks for sharing novs, you made my day, especially the blonde pinay who painted the perrari, hahaha.

    have been too busy lately, i could not manage to post any in my blog, haha, i'll try today if i could :(

    >>>That's okay my dear, just take your time, kaning naanad lagi tas imong mga nice photo collections about the nature... nanganad to look forward for more everyday... i know its not really easy esp. if you have more then 1 blog...

    hope all is well.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haha! I really had a share of good laugh here! Made my day! More jokes please?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lynn said...
    hahaha! daghan jud kaayo ni sa email ba. lingaw!

    >>>True jud na te lynn..maong i have to shared it here para if those who haven't read it thru their emails might been able to read it here..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Carolyn said...
    hahahhaha nalingaw jud ko ug basa nov..natingala akong bana why nagsigi lang ko ug katawa hehehhe
    thanks for sharing

    >>>Sus, pastilan kaning magsige lagi tag atubang puter ba.. maalaan tag mga nakatok kay mukalit rag katawa ug ngisi... i'm glad that makes you laughed..

    ReplyDelete
  10. simplyjacy said...
    i really had fun reading all of it, Novs. to the point nga na-abtan ko ug brown out. when the power came back on, i'm back here again laughing.
    take care!

    >>>Thank you sis.. hehehe.. i'm glad that i made you laughed...


    Imelda said...
    you had me and my niece laughing about before the computer. thank you for the laughs here. btw, i have a tag for u sis.

    >>>Thank you te meldz... hope that gives you a relieved.... i'll go grab the tagged now..

    ReplyDelete
  11. DebbieDana said...
    Haha! I really had a share of good laugh here! Made my day! More jokes please?

    >>>Sure incoming jokes will be on its way... i'm glad that gives you a good laughed...

    ReplyDelete

Your Comments / Message here is Appreciate, I'll drop by to you as soon after I read it from here... Have a Nice day...


Novah!